Pet Bereavement Groups – What happens? Who attends?
Across the country, more communities and veterinary practices are recognizing and responding to the need for animal companion bereavement services. We know that the grief response associated with pet loss can be every bit as acute – sometimes more so – than responses to human loss. Yet, the compassionate understanding associated with the need to be out of the office for a family death is rarely extended to those suffering from the loss of these sentient beings.
Our friends and relatives sometimes feel we should be moving on, getting back into life, after all it was "just a pet”. This can intensify feelings of grief to include an unexpressed anger at such invalidation, further isolating those who grieve. If the grief response includes the transient manifestation of depression – staying in bed, insomnia, repetitive review of the loss, denial, wanting to be alone, lack of appetite or chronic tearfulness – reactions from friends and family members can challenge the normalcy of such responses.
Some internet sites have attempted to address the need of those who mourn pets, offering resources to memorialize pets and write stories of loss. But sometimes the very human need to personally speak about, eulogize and share stories about the departed friend goes unmet and grief remains unexpressed. Calls to friends and family may soon fall on deaf ears and impatient responses may soon replace limited understanding.
At such times, pet bereavement support groups help fill this social void, offering a context where grief associated with pet loss is respected, validated and mainstreamed into the community’s social conscience. While pet ownership has never been so high, and acknowledgement of their importance has reached new societal comprehension, social tolerance for mourning their loss continues to be limited in needed supportive response.
While the mourner may be drawn to attend a pet bereavement group, they may wonder, – what happens in the group? Isn’t it very sad? And who comes to such a group?
The answers may be surprising. Those who attend the pet bereavement group come from all professions, walks of life and social situations. We have had teachers, doctors, homemakers, mental health professionals, public servants, caregivers, celebrities,young adults, couples, and seniors. Some attend to find comfort in the understanding offered by a group which supports their feelings of loss. Others may be searching for validation and reassurance that their intense responses are normal and appropriate. Others need to process decisions associated with euthanizing a pet or may need a debriefing after a pet's chronic illness. But most of all, people come to tell the story of their pet – to eulogize their life, their significant contributions and to memorialize their unique experience.
While there are appropriate tears in such meetings, there is also laughter amidst tender recollections. Because group members share a capacity to deeply bond with animals, stories of animal companion lives find a very receptive audience. Descriptions of a companion's unique behavioral quirks or majestic heroics bring smiles and pride, continuing the person's connection to his lost friend.
Most groups do not require registration so one’s confidence and anonymity is respected. And most bereavement meetings are free of charge in order to reduce barriers to participation. Sometimes a small donation for coffee, refreshments, or an animal organization is suggested, but not required.
People may find that one group is all they need to purge excruciating feelings and understand they are not alone. Others attend several meetings, needing that support throughout those early weeks and months as they attempt to reorient life without their friend. Frequently those whose loss is more distant give hope to newcomers that the pain can be lived through and will lessen in time. Most who attend these support groups are surprised by the extent of the relief and comfort they feel.
Finally, people often ask how the facilitator can continue to moderate a group of such emotional intensity. There is an easy answer. The people who attend these meetings truly cherished their animal companions. Most of them went to enormous lengths – often at great sacrifice - to protect the life and health of their special friend. Their capacity to deeply bond with their animal friends makes them people you’d want to know. It is an honor to walk this path with them as they cherish the miracle of their departed companion’s life.
If you live in the area, you can attend the professionally run, free pet bereavement group at Oradell Animal Hospital
Note: You are welcome to reprint or forward this article as long as author's name appears as reference and copyright rules explained above in Creative Commons License are respected.
|
